I am an agnostic theist.
I blog anonymously about it because telling friends and family — all if not most of whom are still firm believers — might shock and hurt them. But I can’t keep things to myself anymore. Just knowing that these thoughts are out somewhere, even if no one actually reads them, might be enough for me.
If you know who I am, please read this blog and understand me. I would definitely like to talk about it.
The few things I can tell you about myself now:
1. I have a boyfriend, and I love him very much. On this blog, I shall call him T. He is the only person close to me who has any clue to what’s been happening to my faith. For his presence in my life, I am very grateful, but the faith things are not the only reason (he’s also talented, smart, handsome, and fun).
2. I used to work at an evangelical church, which I will refer to as [that church]. It was very lonely. I became agnostic shortly after joining the staff, so I avoided making friends with people; I knew that the conversation would turn to matters of faith, and I did not want to be judged.
I now work at a company I call D.To this day, no one at [that church] has any clue to what was really going on with me. I told people that I was looking for something more challenging, which was true, but the whole truth was that I felt an agnostic theist, even if still a theist, just didn’t belong there.
3. It was once suggested to me that, if I ever get a tattoo, it should be of a bird. While entertaining that thought, I looked up different kinds of birds and then found the ibis, for which I named this blog.
Ibises are not the prettiest bird to me, but I like them because they represent the Egyptian god Thoth. I don’t worship Thoth, but I like him (and his feminine counterpart Seshat) because of his associations with science and writing. Thoth was considered the tongue of Ra, creator of the world. Egyptologist E. A. Wallis Budge likened Thoth to the ancient Greek philosophical concept of Logos, which is now tied up with the disciple John’s depiction of Jesus Christ as Logos incarnate. So, I decided that I liked the ibis because of all these associations that spoke to both the geek and the faith-seeker in me.
I’m not getting that tattoo anytime soon, though.
Thanks for visiting.
